Tampons.

This is my Mother.



This is a Tampon.



This semester, I entered the
dastard's role of “Pastor’s Kid.”
My step-father accepted the pastoral position for a wee Lutheran church in Montebello, California. A lot of changes have taken place– especially for my mother, or “mummy,”as I call her.

In the mix, she's been caught off guard for two reasons:

1. The move from the noble North to the less noble south, California, has left her wondering why people pronounce the word “bag” wrong.

2. She isn’t familiar with the Christian sub-culture. She has been under the Lordship of Christ for
less time than me, and hasn't adjusted yet. In case you didn't know, the sub-culture we've created is not normal. Though not the virgin time, this is the cause for the juxtaposition between mummy and the tampon.


Today’s conversation with mummy:

SCENE: Pradeepan’s Ben is sleeping between the cushions of the futon they call “the taco.” Ben’s 10:00 pm alarm is fifteen minutes from alarming him. After Pradeepan sits two hours on his green leather couch reading
The Emerging Church, his phone rings. Lifting his thigh off the sticky cow hide allows him to grab and answer the phone before the second ring. Pradeepan, then compliments his mother for thirty minutes. Mummy changes the subject.
MUMMY (clearing her throat). Church service is good. We get many new people. One young couple brought a baby.

PRADEEPAN
. Well done. I completely Honor you.

MUMMY
(used to Pradeepan’s compliments). You know, I regret not learning how to play guitar the last five years when I had time. I could have even learned Spanish. I had time, but now I don’t. I only know bits and pieces.

PRADEEPAN
(concerned). I do know mother-- I also do honor you.

MUMMY
. It’s OK. The worship at church is still good. The lady still plays the organ, and Tim plays Trumpet.

PRADEEPAN
. That is noteworthy.

MUMMY
. I can’t play guitar, but Tim lets me play the Tampon. We pass four Tampons in the crowd and if people want they can play.

PRADEEPAN
(honorably giggling) Tampon?

MUMMY
. Yeah, I just kinda shake it.

END.

This use of Tampons in church may have not resulted because of her attempt to adjust in the Christian world. She may have meant Tambourine. Either way, being part of the Christian sub-culture, or women in general, is odd and giggle provoking.

Prove me wrong.