Is he breathing? [BabyDaddy Day 18]

We are so sleep deprived. Even so, when Obi sleeps especially sound and quiet, I panic a little. Seconds later, I internally ask, "Is he still breathing?" and then poke him in the face to get a reaction--eventually waking him up. 

This is insane. I long for the moments he sleeps, but many times I'm the biggest threat to it. After longing for him to sleep, I wake him up. 

I've never dealt with sudden fear, but I constantly ask the question, "Is he still breathing?" Many times I ask it just to scare a family member or friend who is scared to hold a baby while they are holding Obi. Then they start panicking and check if he's breathing. Then their panic sets off my panic, and I start freaking out. 

Having a child is like ripping your heart out and giving it legs. It's so fragile and there's nothing you can do to control every situation. Your heart is going to walk around and bump into things, get hurt. Parents needs to be okay with it, but I'm guessing we never truly get used to having our heart out of our control, susceptible to damage. 

I'm frustrated when Obi is screaming and scared when he's peaceful. My heart is exposed. 

I think I should go check on him right now...