Is he breathing? [BabyDaddy Day 18]

We are so sleep deprived. Even so, when Obi sleeps especially sound and quiet, I panic a little. Seconds later, I internally ask, "Is he still breathing?" and then poke him in the face to get a reaction--eventually waking him up. 

This is insane. I long for the moments he sleeps, but many times I'm the biggest threat to it. After longing for him to sleep, I wake him up. 

I've never dealt with sudden fear, but I constantly ask the question, "Is he still breathing?" Many times I ask it just to scare a family member or friend who is scared to hold a baby while they are holding Obi. Then they start panicking and check if he's breathing. Then their panic sets off my panic, and I start freaking out. 

Having a child is like ripping your heart out and giving it legs. It's so fragile and there's nothing you can do to control every situation. Your heart is going to walk around and bump into things, get hurt. Parents needs to be okay with it, but I'm guessing we never truly get used to having our heart out of our control, susceptible to damage. 

I'm frustrated when Obi is screaming and scared when he's peaceful. My heart is exposed. 

I think I should go check on him right now...

Every Baby Is Different [BabyDaddy Day 17]

People can be quite judgmental about parents

• I can't believe they are using a pacifier
• I can't believe they are supplementing with formula
• I can't believe that kid is so hairy
• I can't believe that father is so handsome with such a great body

When Obadiah is crying or fussy, I often apply advice I'm given from other parents. It typically doesn't work. Sometimes it does, but more of than not, it doesn't. I've learned that every child is different and the same techniques don't work for everyone. Even parents with two children attempt totally different techniques because what used to work doesn't anymore. 

Give parents a break if you don't like what you're seeing. 

Let's take that a little further, give your parents a break for maybe not being all that you thought they should have been. Parenting is hard, and people, for the most part, do what they can with what they have. Even your parents need grace. I'm not saying they deserve a "get out of jail" card for everything they did, but maybe give them a little more slack than you're used to giving--you'll want it when you become a parent. 

Parenting is a moving target. Obadiah is learning us and we're learning him. 

I know I'm not going to do everything perfect.

So stop judging me for letting my son pee in his own eye that one day (whether it was intentional or intentional, I'll never tell). 

Annoyed with myself [BabyDaddy Day 16]

In every conversation, I find a way to bring up Obadiah. It's annoying. I'm annoyed with myself. I'm sure others are annoyed with me. 

Before being a parent, I didn't really want to talk about baby stuff. On Instagram, if someone posted too many pictures of babies or animals in a row, I quickly hit the unfollow button. 

Now, I'm having to discipline myself from talking about Obi too much. It's difficult because I'm constantly learning new things, experiencing new realities, and growing in love. It was exactly the same when I first fell for Amreitha--I just wanted to tell the whole world!

If I were me one year ago, I would unfollow my instagram, and definitely not be reading this blog. Sorry If I've annoyed you. 

Picking on my Wife [BabyDaddy Day 15]

Amreitha and I for years have had a consistent fight in our marriage. In my words, our biggest fight is due to me playing with her too much and experiencing great joy in her company. In her words, our biggest fight is because I constantly pick on her and don't know when to stop. 

Trapping her with a blanket, poking her muscles, and making strange noises closely in her ears makes up most of my love language. I can literally pick on her for hours and love every moment of it. Tears, strong words, and great annoyance often develops from these situations but I press on and keeping doing it.  Our greatest fights consistently come from my greatest joys.

I do this with my dad too. Whenever I see him after a long time, I jump on him and bite him right in the middle of his back. My dad keeps threatening me he's going to teach Obadiah to do the same to me. 

We were told by a couple, who have the same dynamic of picking we do, that when kids enter the picture, picking attention is diverted to the children. I've found this to be true. Amreitha is so relieved.

I love picking on Obadiah. 

When he screams, I sequentially cover his mouth to make great beat boxing beats. 

When's he's lying down, I shake his arms really fast and make him punch himself. 

When he cries, I cry louder and confuse him. 

I love kissing him until he cries. Plus, in keeping with tradition, I've bit him in the back. Don't worry--I never hurt him. 

These things give me great joy, and have really diverted picking attention away from Amreitha. She's very thankful. She should enjoy it while it lasts because once he graduates high school, I'm trapping her in a blanket again. 

Any suggestions on fun ways to annoy my son?

Arrogant Assurance [BabyDaddy Day 14]

Raising a child means making a lot of decisions--ones that shape the rest of his life. His brain development, emotional attachment and physical progress depend on the decisions we make. 

• Will we use an attachment parenting style?
• Should we let him cry until he soothes himself?
• How much should we balance keeping ourselves sane vs keeping him alive?
• Is it okay that he already has a tattoo?

There are so many decisions, and it's overwhelming to think my lack of wisdom could hurt his potential and future. 

During these moments, I encourage myself by saying, 

"Dumber people than me have raised great children."

This is a pretty arrogant and cocky statement. In the future, I'm pretty sure people will think the same thing and think of me. For the record, I believe comparison is a bad thing. Comparison breeds either insecurity or arrogance. In my more challenging moments, however, it brings me comfort. 

When I drop something on him, I think "Dumber people than me have raised great children."

When I accidentally let him pee in his own eye, I think "Dumber people than me have raised great children."

When I can't figure out why he's crying for over an hour, I think "Dumber people than me have raised great children."

I guess it just gives me hope for Obi to have a great future. 

To the less than capable people who have raised great children, thank you--I'll join you soon. 

Doesn't Look like Me [BabyDaddy Day 13]

Obadiah is the first person Amreitha has met that looks like her. That's because he's the first biological family she's ever met. 

We looked forward to this moment for years. Cried with anticipation as his arrival drew closer. 

Then we saw him and he didn't look like us. He looked like our dear friend Linda Ho. 

Our tears of anticipation turned into tears of confusion. 

Amreitha's first biological look a like didn't look like her, but a Vietnamese/Chinese/Khmer woman. What strange betrayal. Not sure how to deal with this. 

Do you think our baby looks like us? What parts belong to Amreitha? What belongs to me? What belongs to Linda Ho?